If only words could scream...

and if only I could. My throat hurts real bad and I developed singaw as well. This has to be the worst day of the year so far. Last night wasn't particularly good as well (I stayed up because of our Dept Christmas Party, got home at 12 midnight). I woke up late (5am instead of 4am) and I almost didn't make it to the Misa de Aguinaldo, where I had to read one part of the Prayers of the Faithful.

I woke up with a sore throat and a throbbing headache. No it's not a hangover, but I wish it was, because at least the alcohol would have justified it. Alas I was alcohol-free last night.

Maybe I'm just a scrooge or maybe it's the stress, but I've been less than jovial as of the late. Could it be because of the low salary? The salary deductions for my MA? Whatever the reason, the fact that I didn't spend the day with my students did not help.

Alright I doubt they would have wanted to spend it with me, after all, why should they? I know what it's like to be a student on the last day before vacation: teachers get the hell out of my way.


I bought pancit to give my classes from my mom and they arrived late. I got told off by my boss for texting during the Christmas program because of my anxiousness. I don't think the students were able to appreciate what I brought at all. Money and effort wasted.

It didn't help that I was the only one in our table who didn't get anything during the Christmas raffle.

Finally, all my plans tonight blew up in my face. Two parties, one was cancelled, the other well, let's just say I didn't have the potential to be there.

I tried to go home before the 3pm color-coding, but alas traffic was horrible and I had to park myself in a Starbucks for four hours on my own.

I just got home and man, I could almost feel something.

Wow, entry number two for today!

All in a matter of minutes.

Yesterday (or was it the other day?) we were given documents to sign to reaffirm our commitment to Xavier School for Schoolyear 2004-2005.

Mr. Guevarra signed his already and I know he's looking forward to coming back. I on the other hand am hesitant. If you read my previous entry, you wouldn't probably have to ask why, but the question is, is it worth it? It's a lot easier to reaffirm when such questions don't linger about you.

Now is the perfect time to explore horizons and I yearn for things just beyond what I can see. I know potential lies elsewhere and maybe I should go down that path. So many questions and I can't make a stand. On one hand I do enjoy my work, but on the other hand, so many little things get to me.

What makes it worth while? The students? Sure. But beyond that, it's really more than just the students. It's real work. For the beating we have to take, I dunno...

Maybe I'm just afraid of commitment....

Xavier School probably has the most subdued Christmas spirit I've ever felt. Maybe it's just me, as always, but everything felt rushed. Maybe it's because of the typhoons that everything is just scattered about. I'm not talking about things being simplified, actually the donating of our Christmas party funds is one of the few saving graces of the season.

I've been around for six months, who knows if I'll be here in 365 days. By this time next year, I could be working in Makati or Ortigas. I'll probably be wearing a tie to work everyday and deal with co-workers 24/7 at odd times of the day.

The sense of festivities is just a lot more watered down. The Christmas parties that last for only 30 minutes? What the hell is that? And teachers are assigned to a particular classroom? Class advisers I understand, but subject teachers? No offense 1E, I wanted to hang out with you guys (despite what you may think or what I've said), but I also wanted to hang out with 1A and 3I.

There are so many things that need to be done, work and otherwise. My back hurts and I'm contemplating if I should go to the Acquaintance Party.

If I feel better.

Yesterday my mom ran over one of our puppies.

It was my fault actually, as I was the one who was supposed to watch them as she pulled out of the garage. Unfortunately I got distracted when the other puppy played with me. I looked around in panic for the other one and spotted him just in time to see the tires go over him as he yelped in pain. I shouted to my mom but it was too late.

Stunned, I just saw the puppy run from under the car to the garden yelping. Then he started coughing up blood in spurts and then in gushes. He collapsed between patches of grass. He gasped for breath and spat more blood. Within a minute he died.

We didn't go to KFC anymore.

The End.






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On the other side of things...

My friend picked me up at 11pm last night to meet another friend who just came back from Chicago. It was sad and painful to meet him again. Why cause he's so fricking shallow and self-absorbed. He hates the Philippines daw and all, won't come back. Sheesh, don't come back ever! I was actually looking forward to him not coming back here.

He thinks he's better than everyone else and that everything here is quaint but jologs. As if he has taste. God ang panget ng Greenhills. I only smoke here cause it's so cheap. WTF? What did he expect? MACY'S??? God this country's going to the dogs. I'm never coming back here again. GOOD! Stop raping my country you Fil-Am whore!

And with these thoughts...have a nice day...

I had bought a copy of Satoshi Kon's "Tokyo Godfathers" on a whim. I saw it on some issue of Newtype USA and while many reviewers have remarked how good it was, they have more or less unanimously decreed that it was not Satoshi's best work.

How fortunate I was then to see it with an untainted eye. No more than five minutes into the movie, I was so enamoured by this masterpiece that I was gleefully texting my pseudo-otaku friends, gushing at how great this film is.

The protagonists are anything but the stereotype "someone made me sad this Christmas" characters of traditional Christmas movies, but rather they're three homeless people with their own pasts: Hana, a not so young transvestite who is on an unconscious Oedpial search for a mother (ultimately wanting to become one himself), Miyuki, a runaway who has a tinge of Electral angst and Gin, a bum who has the poor man's equivalent of filial issues of an Agamemnon. Together they find a baby abandoned in the garbage and along with it an adventure as seen by the city of Tokyo herself.

The mood is quite light, even if the issues dealt with are heavy and frankly quite tragic. Encounters are casual and even instances of deux ex machina are done in a nonchalant manner so crisply honest that you are light in childlike awe. But don't mistake this for a children's movie, there's definitely some blood and alcohol (and death and sexuality are not far behind). It does dwell a bit on morals, but the brilliant script depict its issues through the witty banter and hilarious bickerings of our three protagonists.

Funnily enough, what makes this such a Holiday treat is the aloofness of film on the topic of Christmas. Ironically it begins (and ends) with traditional western carols sung in nihongo, but it never gushes down with saccharine sentimentality about it's Christmas, we should love each other. The ending, while happy is consistent to the theme and mood of the film. Others have complained that we never see everything to its completion, but at the risk of turning into half-assed sentimental bubblegum, the film wisely cues the dancing Tokyo skyline.

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As an aside, July 16, 2005 is the day to look out for! Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

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I had long intended to write about the events of December 18, 2004 but other things had to come before it.

I started off the day by going to Krismusmos, which is the Christmas Party of MUSMOS for the streetchildren of Katipunan. For those not quite in the know, MUSMOS (http://web.archive.org/web/20040202052248/http://musmos.org/english/main.htm) is a socially-oriented organization of which I was the president of.

It was weird going back as an alumnus. There were so many children I couldn't recognize anymore, but a chorus of "Kuya EJ! Kuya EJ!" reassured me that I wasn't quite a stranger yet. Obviously my favorite kid is Precious Cabus, she's 9 or 10 years old I believe and she's blind in one eye. She aired out all her gripes to me (mostly about me not being there anymore) and spent a good amount clinging on to me (I was only too happy to oblige). My other kids like Loriejean (haha dunno if I spelled her name correctly), Chernobyl (I still wonder why she has that name) and Jesabel. These were the kids who joined MUSMOS the same year I did. They were the first ones I got to know. Jesabel is THIRTEEN years old now! I told her "Jesabel!!! You can't be THIRTEEN! You're NINE YEARS OLD! Not thirteen!"

I left around four in the afternoon but not before taking a pic with my fellow AMAG (Ateneo MUSMOS Alumni Group) members.

I arrived in Xavier just in time to snap pictures of my students and the girls as they settled down for their late merienda/early dinner. It was an absolute delight to see my arrogant boys squirm at the presence of members of the opposite sex. It was very clear which sex was the more mature one (and less inhibited as well). I took a lot of pictures, a few of them could be seen in my Tabulas Album (http://www.tabulas.com/~over_the_EdGE/gallery/album38855/).

I ran out of battery twice that day, once in the morning and another in the afternoon. I ended up shelling out almost P200 on battery alone, but the memories were worth it.

So were the Xaverians gentlemen?

Well...if you count the fact that they weren't bastos to the ladies, yeah why not?

But considering the fact they barely interacted with them, well....
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Beer Is a barley and hop flavored alcoholic beverage. Beer is made by fermenting a mixture of water, barley, hops and yeast. The beer is then filtered, pasteurized, bottled and aged for a short period of time (2 to 9 months). Draft beer is not pasteurized. Beer is light golden yellow to reddish to almost black. Beer is produced worldwide. There are many types of beers: ales, lagers, malt liqueurs, rice, stout, porter and draft, each one having a distinct and unique character. Any type of beer can be used to make cool, refreshing summer drinks. Beer is best enjoyed chilled and served in chilled glasses. Back to index
www.happyhour.ca/dictionary.html
Backlog n. accumulation of work, etc. that needs to be dealt with.
ca.geocities.com/linleshi/articles/Glossary.html

Two things are not meant to be put together, backlog and beer. Alcohol is not only dangerous when you're driving, but it's dangerous when you're checking and grading papers as well.

Seriously though, it just paints a grim picture of the holidays for me. It doesn't help that a good number of people are suffering, but we all have things to deal with. Mine just comes in the form of paper work: compositions, quizzes, make-up quizzes and exams. Oh yes, don't forget those projects! God, help me.

Agnus Dei
Kyrie Elison
qui tollis peccata mundi
Kyrie Elison