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Peek into the mind of a dandy fool. Someone who was stupid enough to enter the torturous world of the academe.
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Entries for February, 2006

February 5th, 2006

LegaXpy

Posted by over_the_EdGE at 08:58 PM on February 5, 2006.

It's hard to leave a Legaxy.

Actually, last Saturday it was all too easy. The first day of the fair that was known as LegaXy was quite boring. There were too many people but not enough to do.

I woke up really late, and it took most of my energy to haul myself off the bed, into the shower and in the car. I arrived in Xavier to a largely subdued fair.

My first task for the day was to get wet at 2E's booth. I thought it would be fun, but it was not to be. I joined Alem, Fides and Barbs in the cage and waited for the first lob of the balloon. As the first balloon was thrown, I wrangled Barbs into position to take the blow.

Unfortunately, she struggled and she bumped her head on one of the parts of the cage. I felt really bad about it and with that I was left alone in the cage.

Well, it wasn't long before some of my students started arriving and hurling their ammo towards me. It was sort of fun, but not really. Things got a bit out of hand when they were tossing the balloons toward the bags and almost got my bag, which had my phone it it.

With that I jumped ship and went over to the House that Hoofy Built.

I cannot be anymore very eloquent at this point, but it was FUN! F-U-N, FUN!

I actually hated my Saturday at the fair, maybe because a certain someone was moody. Ayun, pati ako nahawa.

I was going to the Variety Show, but everyone else started bailing out and I didn't exactly want to hang out with students who were awkwardly trying to impress or trying to talk to girls. It was too...high school.

Wow, Master and Commander of the Near Side of the Obvious am I not? But anyway, it wasn't worth it.

So I checked if Alexei and Vegs were available and we met up at Greenhills for dinner (at the overpriced Burgoo) and coffee (at where else? Kohi Kan).

We ended up catching up on news; we hadn't seen in other in months. Taht quickly gave way to our usual conversation topics: tech and video games.

I once again burnt my lungs to ashen bits and called it a night after midnight. I had first shift at the fair in the morning.

I dragged myself home and onto bed and had an even harder time getting up in the morning.

My shift was uneventful. I was assigned to the "Dinosaur" ride. Actually it was a bunch of anatomically incorrect rainbow colored lizards. I wondered if it would have been better if they called it "Butiki" the ride. Would more children have ridden? Maybe it would have attracted a more mature crowd. Especially if the tail can be cut off and wriggle or something.

I stumbled upon Rex Soriano, my friend and older brother of my student, with his girlfriend Carol/Karol. We filled in each other on updates over lunch at Heaven's BBQ at Madison Square. We headed separate ways after lunch and I crashed in the Faculty lounge and waited for my "shift" at the 3C booth.

On my out of the workroom, I found out that Wynda was also going there so we went together. There we found a very wet Mr. Tabayoyong and an equally moist Mr. Ferraz. We joined in on the fun, with Dan dumping a pail of water on an unsuspecting Wynda and Kirby did the same thing to me.

What ensued was nearly two hours of moist mayhem. That's the understatement of the year. Obviously we were not just moist, we were drenched to the bone. Mayhem is too weak a word to describe the craziness that went in there.

TJ joined in on the "fun" and got most of the balloons. Thankfully he's worse than the boys. He'd actually scoop the muddy water on the floor into pails and dumped them over students. I never stooped that low....well not until Benedict hit me smack on the face at close range with a water balloon.

I immediately dug into his pail and proceeded to pelt him with his own ammunition. He ran off when I scooped up muddy water into my pail. But he got what was coming to him when he eventually joined us in the arena.

I had intended to stay only until 1pm on Sunday, but thanks to 3C I ended up overstaying. I was loads (and a bucket or two) of fun and the only time I sort of felt bad in their booth was when there was this little girl who creepily demanded to smack me in the face with a balloon. She made us even line up so that she could "choose" who she wanted to hit.

Scary.

I felt so cheap.

Like a piece of meat.

Apparently Hoofy's LegaXy was not really a "house" but rather a "casa"....






Share yourself!

February 13th, 2006

Wasting Time

Posted by over_the_EdGE at 11:12 AM on February 13, 2006.

Somethings just can't wait until the end of the day.

Usually these are good things that must be screamed on the topmost point in town.

This is not one of those days.

I'd like to say that what I'm feeling right now is misery, but that would be all too convenient. Sure I feel miserable all right, but it's something more than that. It's more pressing and more urgent.

Misery would just linger there and eat you up inside out. While I do feel something similar to that, it's not quite it.

What I'm feeling right now is hopelessness.

I am inconsolable. I'm even seeking out approval from my peers. I just feel that no amount of praise or apology can compensate for this agony of inexpressable grief.

Those who have been close with me in the past few months know how much time I've been pouring into Stage FX. It's been well, hell. The boys are clearly having a hard time with me and me with them, but I think in the end it all evens out. We have an output and last Saturday's performance, while far from perfect was very good. The feedback was good and the boys were reinvigorated with energy.

I on the other hand well, let's just say,I don't know. Those who stayed behind last Saturday, I treated to Starbucks. Not exactly a wise decision considering I only had a thousand or so left. I made me feel good though. One of the few times in the past few weeks that I actually felt good.

Increasingly I've been losing myself. Losing my grip on sanity and I've been slipping quickly. There's no one to help me stand up.

Not that I expect anyone to help me. I usually do that for other people.

But lately I'm realizing that I can't do things alone. I knew that. I know that. I've let others know that...but still to no avail.

I've been screaming and hollering, but no one's listening.

Maybe I just suck.

My classes have been no better. Sometimes I feel like I give it my all. I try to share more of myself, make the lesson a little bit different, although not straying from the material of course. I just want them to become better, not just better than themselves, but better than me.

I'm resigned to the fact that many of these boys will go further in life that I will, in conventional terms of course, but it just frustrates me to no end to see them not try. That my efforts are never good enough. So what do I do? Do I just stand around and wait for it to end?

Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea. There are only a few weeks left after all....

Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our finger through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove-
Although we know we're in for some pain?

Oh, why do we refuse to hang a light
When the streets are dangerous?
Why does it take an accident
Before the truth gets through to us?

Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words.

Why should we try to be our best
When we can just get by and still gain?

Why do we nod our heads :
Although we know
The boss is wrong as rain?

Why should we blaze a trail
When the well worn path seems safe and
So inviting?


How-as we travel, can we
See the dismay-
And keep from fighting?

What does it take
To wake up a generation?
How can you make someone
Take off and fly?

If we don't wake up
And shake up the nation
We'll eat the dust of the world
Wondering why

Why do we stay with lovers
Who we know, down deep
Just aren't right?
Why would we rather
Put ourselves through hell
Than sleep alone at night?

Why do we follow leaders who never lead?
Why does it take catastrophe to start a revolution?
If we're so free, tell me why?
Someone tell me why
So many people bleed?

Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds
Fear or love, baby?
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words

-Louder than Words, Jonathan Larson, tick, tick...BOOM!
Currently feeling: disheartened

Share yourself!

Dead on Arrival

Posted by over_the_EdGE at 10:39 PM on February 13, 2006.

So I'm home now.

So what? I would be better off elsewhere anyway. Let me just take advantage of this negativity of mine to write some more.

What am I feeling? I'm feeling dead right now.

Emotionally? Check.

Physically? Check.

Mentally? Check.

Spiritually? Check.

Crap? Check.

I'm feeling nothing.

Well maybe I am feeling something, but I'm ignoring it.

Ah well. Time to work again.

Not that I'm American, but with everything revolving around them, I might as well be one.

"Don't breathe too deep
Don't think all day
Dive into work
Drive the other way
That drip of hurt
That pint of shame
Goes away
Just play the game

You're living in America
At the end of the millenium

You're living in America
Leave your conscience at the tone

And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You are what you own

Just tighten those shoulders
Just clench your jaw 'til you frown
Just don't let go
Or you may drown

You're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're living in America
Where it's like the Twilight Zone
And when you're living in America
At the end of the millenium
You're what you own

So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion - I rent

Dying in America
At the end of the millenium
We're dying in America
To come into our own
And when you're dying in America
At the end of the millenium
You're not alone
I'm not alone
I'M NOT ALONE!!"

Share yourself!

February 14th, 2006

Bah-humbug!

Posted by over_the_EdGE at 03:34 PM on February 14, 2006.

Never get too involved with other people or else they'll end up hurting you.

Even worse, you'll end up hurting them.

And in the end you'll end up hurting yourself.

And you have no one else to blame except yourself.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Share yourself!

February 25th, 2006

This past week...

Posted by over_the_EdGE at 09:59 PM on February 25, 2006.

Ria says it all.


1 drop/s of wisdom